On the Loose

I am pleased to say that blaming monkeys for messy spaces
is catching on!

Debbie the Professional Organizer:
I met with a client in Rocky River this am....she was telling me about her piles of papers...and I said "Oh, you must have MONKEYS!!!! I told her about your monkey problems and she laughed.

LisaMarie:
The monkeys are in operation at my house too.

Pretty soon the monkeys will start taking over everyone's homes and offices and making everything a big mess. We may need to start a monkey sterilization project.

I think Bob Barker needs a job:
"Don't forget to spay or neuter your monkeys."

I think it's a fantastic idea!

Got Monkeys?

I am going to let you in on an embarrassing secret that only my closest friends know.

Are you ready? Good.

I am not a slob. Oh no. I do not mess things up wherever I go. I don’t leave piles of papers, books, clothes, makeup and accessories all over the place. And I do not, I repeat, DO NOT throw my shoes all around the house.

It’s the monkeys, people.

Yes, I’m afraid to admit that I am followed around by a gang of very bad monkeys. I will leave a room in perfectly neat condition. But as soon as I leave the area, the monkeys spring into action, causing chaos and mayhem in their wake.

Okay, maybe that’s just a clever (crazy?) excuse to make people laugh because I truly can’t stand that I am this way. It’s even worse since I’ve been writing so much. An enormous amount of my mental energy goes into my writing, and there just isn’t enough left behind for cleaning, which I find to be even more of a mental chore.

I was with my friend, Certified Professional Organizer Debbie Carney, today and she made me feel a lot better about my messy primate, um, “friends”.

She pegged me correctly – I am an Innovator personality. And while I love to have things around me organized, I don’t take the time to do it because I am always moving forward. I never look back, and I never really lose sight of where I’m going, which leaves my whole environment open to rampaging, shoe-flinging monkeys.

It's not a character flaw. It's just how I am. If everyone was made to be super organized, the world would be a boring place, and Deb would be out of work!

For me, I think that what my life really needs is a zookeeper.

Or maybe I just need a professional organizer with a tranquilizer gun to thwart any future monkey attacks.

Me & My "Sisters"

I was putting some art together for the AICI OH/PA Chapter Retreat when I realized something absolutely weird:

Me and my "inner circle", who are all presenting at the event, could pass for sisters. What the heck is up with that????

I already know that LisaMarie and I are morphing into the same person, and Kelly is my "little sis", but this is freaky.

Check it out!

Happy Father's Day to my Dad and Gramp!

(You are both getting plaid shirts :)

Orange Crush

I don’t quite know what has gotten into me lately. All I want to wear is ORANGE. I seriously have never been attracted to said color in my entire life. I don’t quite know when this started or why. Maybe it happened once spring hit.

Last year, two of the items I particularly loved were my floral purse with teal, orange, and brown (which I dragged out again this year – it just speaks to me) and my white jacket with orange-red, lime and gold flowers (it is really more subdued than it sounds – it is just joyful).

So perhaps those two favorites have inspired me. I want to wear bright, clear oranges. Red-oranges. Anything that is vibrant and orange will do.

In fact, I just bought a red-orange outfit today. Just a skirt and a tank – a base outfit that may look good with a black jacket and some zebra print shoes. (Ha! Thought I was gonna say leopard, didn't you?)

I also bought the brightest orange peasant-style top I have ever seen today. It is so bright I almost can’t stand it.

But I will wear it. Oh yes I will.

And next summer, I will probably look back at this year's purchases and wonder what the heck I was thinking.

But right now, at least, I feel orange.

Bye Bye Bob

There was a Price is Right survey on AOL tonight -
Will the Price is Right ever be the same after Bob?

And then this quote made me laugh:

Bob Barker retired as the host of 'The Price Is Right' after 35 years of brandishing that skinny microphone.

As for me, I will NOT miss Bob. Not that I ever intentionally watched that show.

But I will look forward to visiting my grandparents around noon time and not seeing the Showcase Showdown.

Typos - WOW!

I stumbled onto a "response to Paris" message board. I found some really eye-opening typos and misspellings that made me laugh. You may agree - these are both funny and scary!

- I thnk the early release is miscarridge of justice. After that murder O.J. got off, I should not be surprised.

- How about if we STOP ENCOURAGING AND GALMORIZING this self-destructive and disgusting behavior??!!

- i dont like paris she is too wild and crazy and i think it is time she has had some decent disapline.

- If she was my daughter , I would be embarressed, also the way Paris & her friends carry on!!

- I am tried of the news coverage of the 'poor little rich girls' and their selfish needs to used illegal drugs and alcohol.

Books & Newspapers

I dropped by Borders today to pick up Penelope Trunk's new book, Brazen Careerist (yes, Penelope, I finally bought it!). I also found a little diamond in the bargain section: Lloyd Boston's Make Over Your Man for $3.99!

(Lloyd is a fabulous fashion expert)

I know for sure that I won't get to read it for a looooong time, but I am adding it to my library anyway. A men's book is in the works for me down the road. Oh, and a men's newsletter is coming this week as well. How could I forget?

(Duh, silly, I forgot because I haven't worked on anything for it yet! Bad KK!! But I have literally been too busy!)

Also, I am quoted in Henry Gomez's column on the cover of BusinessMonday (I know he will be looking in here for a mention).

Gossip

Thanks especially for this quote, HG:

“Quite honestly, I can’t resist the urge to gossip,” said Kristen Kaleal, a Cleveland image consultant and style expert who works with companies to address such issues.

Grrrrr >:{
I don't remember saying that!
But I probably did. I have selective amnesia.
And I know someone else who likes to gossip, but I won't name names.....

But nice job on the article otherwise, buddy.

Also, see Responding to Rumors

KK & the Lumberjack Song

As I was driving to Columbus this past Sunday, I was playing my Monty Python Sings CD. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a huge Python fan. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Python. I started this in high school and it became even worse in college.

Now I sporadically go through spurts when I really revisit my love of Python. Something Python-related has been really speaking to me lately. Most people know of the Lumberjack Song. It's quite famous. Most also know that I write (duh!). I write a lot. Whether it's my book or articles for publication or online content, or even my blog. I write more than I ever intended to write. In fact, I am probably more of a writer than an image consultant at this point.

The Lumberjack song starts with, "I never wanted to be a (barber/weatherman depending on the version) anyway. I wanted to be....a Lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia!"

And then, of course, it goes into a cute little ditty about cross-dressing.

My thought is....I never wanted to be a writer. I never became an expert in the image industry in order to sit in front of a computer and write. If that were the case I could have become a journalist. Or a novelist.

Instead, I wanted to be A LUMBERJACK!

Well, not so much.

Part of me just wants to get back to closer to what I orignally intended - more focused on speaking in the corporate world and for women's organizations and working with clients. And the other part of me (the part that always wins) knows that writing is a major key to my current and lasting success and is how I get my message out to an ever-broadening market.

But....

I still want to be a Lumberjack.

Strike that. I want to be....a Pirate!

Too Obscure?

I wonder how many readers understood the previous reference to Oedipus Rex, a play by the ancient Greek Sophocles.

Oedipus' mother poked her eyes out with a brooch when she discovered her husband was also her son.

Reading this play in 12th grade had a lasting impact on young KK, it seems.

Although Oedipus Rex didn't mention anything about an ugly blazer or a really gross freshwater fish.

Lilly Pulitzer for Men .....

...or clothes that that make me want to do permanent harm to myself.

I found this on one of the style blogs I usually read.

I asked Dan his thoughts about it, and of course I knew what his response would be. He is Mr. Anti-Fashion. Basically a caveman in a black "Geek" shirt and navy blazer.


Then I asked the most flamboyant straight guy I know the same question. Here is his response:

Some of the shorts and polos, I probably would not wear….but I dig the rest of the collection especially the blazers and bow ties.

I knew it....

Personally, I do not understand the appeal of Lilly Pulitzer for women, but this men's collection makes me want to stab my eyes out, throw them in Lake Erie and let them get eaten by a walleye.

How's that for an extreme visual?

Sophocles would be proud!

And you can be darn sure, if he were alive today, gay or not, Sophocles would not be sporting a lime-and-pink blazer!

I have been beseeched....

My beloved friend, the mystically tan LisaMarie literally beseeched me:

Kristen, for the love of God, comment on the early release of Paris Hilton in one of your future blogs, will you?

I am simply appalled, as are my students and fellow colleagues. Any plans to do so with your razor-sharp wit?

Since I am a sucker for compliments about my wit, I will comment. This is what I sent back to Lisa:

I think it is beyond comment, friend.

I try to point out the funny and/or ironic in my blog.

This is just sick and disgusting. The justice system is a joke, apparently.

I am sad.

:(

I'm afraid that some things are just beyond sardonic commentary.

Orange is the New Tan?

Friends, I am not a big fan of celebrity gossip. But something just struck me.

Why is Lindsay Lohan perpetually ORANGE? Have you noticed this?

Too much Mystic Tan, I fear!! LisaMarie just did the Mystic. I feel the need to warn her:

It may be responsible for killing Lindsay's brain cells.

Or maybe that's just Lindsay's use of vodka, cigarettes and recreational and prescription drugs which accounts for her perpetually bizarre and sometimes knife-wielding behavior.

Still, Lisa looks tan, while Lindsay always looks orange. Perhaps it isn't the tanning. Maybe she is part oompa loompa.

I still remember when we used to worry about turning orange from self-tanners. Thank goodness for technology - self-tanners get better every year. We can have a natural-looking bronze glow from a bottle or a tube if we choose.

So, again, there seems to be no explanation for Lindsay Loompa.

Does this make me a bad person?

I did something today that I have never done before.

I was doing a little morning bargain shopping in the Beachwood area and saw a pair of shoes I loved - Nine West bright navy patent peeptoe pumps. I have nothing even remotely similar.

Of course, I need more shoes like I need a hole in the head. But I bought them anyway. But it wasn't just to add another pair to my ridiculous collection.

I bought them because I didn't want anyone else to have them.

Is that bad karma?

It's just that they looked so good on my feet with the french tips on my toes peeking out that no one else should be allowed to have them, right?

And then on the drive home, I justified the purchase by saying it was a gift to myself since it was officially announced yesterday that I am president of the AICI OH/PA chapter. Hey, that's a big deal, right? Then it's a worthy reason to buy a pair of shoes!

Of course, I can always justify buying shoes. For me, buying a pair of shoes can be a good enough reason to buy more shoes!!