How Paranoid am I?

Sorry to everyone who has complained that my blog hasn't been updated in, like, forever. There is a good reason. The creative juices have been flowing in other directions. Namely toward my book. Being smart and clever takes a lot out of me and leaves me with scraps for my blog. Plus, I'm not getting out to as many interesting places or seeing interesting people (waaa!), so I'm utterly boring right now. Feel free to read past posts to see how fun I used to be :P

Onto today's topic:
I've often wanted to mention this, because it's such a bizarre idiosyncracy. It formed without my being aware of it for a very long time, and it freaked me out when I finally noticed it. I wonder if anyone else shares it. My guess is: probably not.

I won't look at anyone who is dead on TV or in a photo before I go to sleep. For instance, I read a lot about true crime and forensics books before bed (which oddly enough, helps me sleep). But if there are crime scene photos in my book, I will make sure that I look at someone who is currently alive on TV or in a photo before turning off the light and going to sleep. Doesn't matter if it's Paris Hilton or Wilford Brimley.

A couple of nights ago, I was up in the middle of the night watching infommercials. I was watching the one for Dean Martin's Celebrity Roasts. Now, 95% of the people in that infommercial are dead. Dino, Frank, Sammy, Lucy, Uncle Miltie, etc. I had to wait for Don Rickles to come on (he's still alive, right?) before I could safely turn it off and return to bed.

This may stem from the fact that I used to watch the HBO show Autopsy late at night years ago and it would freak me out so much (I mean, they showed all the uncensored gore) that I couldn't sleep or would have crazy dreams.

So now I'm paying for my morbid fascination with this weird nightly ritual.

Another part of me I can blame is my art history background. Many ancient peoples believed that a part of a person's soul lived in any image of that person. I know it's crazy, but I think I internalized some of that without being aware of it.

Lots of people have strange rituals and beliefs around death. It's one aspect of being human. I'm sure I'm not the only one...